So Close and Yet So Far
Disconnected. Detached.
Unmotivated, under appreciated.
Repeated. Over and over. Again.
Meaningless...
Loneliness...
Hopeless...
Helpless...
Hurt.
Up and Down, like a roller coaster.
The light peaks through. And yet, it feels so dark.
Hands reach out. Reject.
And fear of rejection.
Fear of losing.
Fear of you. Fear of the world. Fear of everything.
Losing everything....
Sunday, 13 November 2016
Monday, 10 October 2016
He listens, He acts and He replies...
If you've been following my blog you probably know of my recent struggles. I've been working in a city away from home, I've been struggling with work, with family, with depression and with my spiritual walk with God. There are many things in between, but again I'm trying to keep this short (like I always do, but somehow end up rambling on and on and on haha).
To sum it all up, I haven't been able...
Thursday, 29 September 2016
Support System
I've been struggling with many things lately. It's been tough, but for the most part I'm making through it all. Some struggles are definitely harder, but thanks to some wonderfully supportive friends I haven't given up yet. I haven't even thought about giving up. I myself am a fighter, I don't give up easily and I guess that's why my challenges are harder than other individuals.
I've struggled with...
Sunday, 25 September 2016
A million times...
I can't remember how many times I've cried myself to sleep... how many times I have no control over these tears and how many times I've cried until the skin on my cheeks and around my nose stung. Yeah, I'm having one of those right now as I'm writing. It's been over an hour and every thought that crosses my mind seems to trigger these crying spells. I had a bad day today. I was feeling down. I felt...
Thursday, 15 September 2016
Life is so fair!
I've recently mentioned that I'm suffering from depression in my recent posts. The hardest part about dealing with this 'problem' is actually being around my family. They haven't been very supportive and instead it makes me feel attacked and so alone. I don't want to sound weak and keep asking my friends for help, or to keep telling them each time I have a crying spell. I feel annoyed at myself already,...
Sunday, 11 September 2016
2:30 AM
Hey Grace,
I know it's late and you're very tired right now, but you said you'd go after your goals. You've set them and said that you'd aim for them. I know that it's hard to do anything else after those long hours of restaurant work. That's the last thing on your mind right now. You just wanna get into bed and catch some rest, but if you don't start now you'll be further away from those goals....
Saturday, 10 September 2016
Tired, Confused and Hopeful...
Heavenly Father,
Two full years and I'm still waiting. Waiting for a solution to these problems. They keep coming. One problem solved and another arises. Or sometimes it's one problem seems solved, but then it was just a false answer. I don't know why we have to go through this time of suffering, but I trust that you are working on our lives. The plans you have for our lives, for my life. Father,...
Wednesday, 7 September 2016
Prayer: September 7, 2016
Heavenly Father,
I don't know what it is that's making me feel this way. I go to bed with a heavy heart and I wake up not feeling any better. I tried fighting and finding a goal to aim for. It started really well, but now I see that I'm not really motivated to aim for that goal. I wake up every morning feeling hopeless, feeling like I have no direction, feeling like the whole world is against me....
Looking For Closure
Hey there my friend(s),
There's been a lot going on in my mind and I really felt the need to let it out. There are some things that I've been meaning to say to people walking in and out of my life, but never ended up doing so. I didn't want to hurt their feelings, so instead I bottled up everything inside myself. The bottle is filling up and everything is just weighing me down.
The things I have...
Tuesday, 30 August 2016
So many things on my mind
There's been so many things on my mind and it's tough to find an outlet. This is really just random babbling. It doesn't have to make sense to you the reader, but they're just thoughts comsuming my mind and sometimes keeping me up late at night. Things that I need to let out, but it's hard to find someone to let it all out to without feeling like I'm burdening them with my troubles, without the feeling...
Thursday, 12 May 2016
UNDERCONSTRUCTION
Hello there!
Sorry if the new layout has caused you confusion. I'm actually working on changing the blog layout (Of course I'm still learning) and I will try to squeeze in time to work on it. Please be patient with me. The pictures, descriptions and links will be updated as soon as I have time and when I figure out how to change the HTML code.
Thank you for your understanding!
~Gr...
Sunday, 1 May 2016
Returning to Church
Sunday May 1, 2016
The last time I've attended church was way back in January 2014 (not including the 1-2 times I visited churches when I was home in Toronto). What is the reason for not going to church you may ask? Well, I do work in a restaurant which means very long hours (at least 12 hours a day, and 7 days a week). One of the biggest problems we have here in the restaurant is staff shortage,...
You've Answered My Prayers
(Wednesday, April 27, 2016)
Heavenly Father,
Thank you. Your grace and mercy is more than sufficient, I was in no way worthy or deserving of it and yet you blessed me. Thank you for holding on to my hand when I wanted to let go. Thank you for watching over me when I ran away. Thank you for coming after me when I was lost. Thank you for forgiving me for my stubbornness and for loving the good...
Thursday, 7 April 2016
Your Will Not mine...
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for every time you have forgiven me when I make mistakes. Thank you for the reminder that no matter how much I want to chase after my own dreams and to go home, this is where you call me to be right now. It's hard to trust you sometimes and only you know how many times I've doubted you already, but thank you for the reassurance and for...
Tuesday, 22 March 2016
I'm so tired...
Heavenly Father,
How much longer do I have to wait? I'm so tired. I don't know how long I could hold up for. There really seems to be no way, no way to end this suffering. It's been a long 2 years. I kept praying and hoping, but only to be followed by disappointment and more waiting. I had hope. I wish I could say that my hope is still as strong as it was one year ago or even 2 months ago, but the...
Thursday, 10 March 2016
Almost out of energy...
Heavenly Father,
I'm so tired right now. There really seems no way out for me. No way. I can't see where my future is heading. You've reminded me to wait and to trust you. Sometimes I allow doubt to get in. Please help me to focus on your words, your promises and you. Help me to focus on your will and not mine. Help me to have faith even when all else tells me otherwise. I will continue to trust...
Tuesday, 9 February 2016
Easter 2016
For Easter this year I'd like to spend time fasting and focus more on God. I haven't been able to go to church for 2 years now, so I only know what I read about online and what I interpret from the bible. I hope to use this time to grow closer to God and repent. We are usually so busy with our lives and the many things happening may distract us from God.
Fasting: I thought about fasting social media,...
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