Prayer: November 15, 2015

Heavenly Father,

When am I going to have another clear sky? Storm after storm over the last years, I've cried out to you. Every time the storm seems to be coming to an end, it is shortly followed by another one. Just as I thought the sky was finally clearing up, the tiny clouds covered all the blue once again. I'm stuck once again. I broke down in tears today as I saw more clouds forming. My strength is almost gone, how can I carry on? My physical body needs rest. I cried out to you, but I can barely hear your voice now. After all those struggles I've overcome in the last year, I continued to smile and to be thankful. I tried to be a light to all those around me, but now I can't tell whether it's your strength that carried me so far or if I just numbed all the feelings after encountering this repetition of problems. I cried today. I had no control of the tears flowing down my cheeks. I disregarded the environment around me. I was so stressed, I didn't know what else to do. My hands were shaking and every breath I took felt heavy. I was in the middle of one of the busiest dinner rushes I had ever been through and the telephone kept ringing. I called out to you, again and again. I was already short on helping hands, and yet another one was taken away from me. I questioned: did I do something to upset you? Why haven't you done anything to help me? Where are you lord? Why did you send help to us and then suddenly take it away? And then as the rush slowed down.. I looked around me and remembered..

The people you had provided to me did their best to get us through that big hurdle. The person that barged in through the back door asking if she could help in any way. The old man who is in his 60s wiping the sweat off his face with a great big smile. The girls in the front telling me, "we finally made it". Things could've been worse, but I am grateful for the help that you had already provided. I tried reminding myself that you are here and you're getting me through this, but the stress and the panicking got the best of me. Father, please forgive me for doubting you. Thank you that although it didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped, you held my hands once again and walked me through it. Thank you for collecting the tears that I just cried into the palm of your hands. Please don't let go of my hand as I face this storm. I don't know how big it can get or how long it will last, I cannot rely on my own strength to do this anymore. I need you. You give me the strength that I don't have, you give me the wisdom that I need and you are my sword and my shield. You have protected me numerous times and you've never abandoned me. Although I'm weak and tired, I'll continue to call out to you. I know one day, the sky will be blue again.

Thank you Father. I pray in your Holy name, Amen.